Everyone, including you, has experiences that are unwanted.
Perhaps it is annoying.
Perhaps it is frustrating.
Perhaps it was unexpected.
Perhaps it was something that you are sure you did not deserve.
Perhaps it was a loss of some kind.
Perhaps this circumstance was something irreversible,
or even tragic.
What’s done is done.
The question remains, though, how are you going to deal with this experience?
An almost inevitable temptation to feel victimized will likely arise.
This reaction is programmed into the human nervous system,
and experiences that trigger feelings of victimization
simultaneously cause the release of cortisol
and other stress hormones in the body,
which impact the way you feel.
So now you not only have to contend with the thoughts of being victimized, you also have to contend with the feelings of being victimized.
It would be normal to sink into low energy responses to the situation:
self-pity, hopelessness, helplessness, defeat.
All four of these reactions lead to failure.
Self-pity leads to failure because it is completely de-motivating.
Why do anything when you lose yourself in feeling sorry for yourself?
Hopelessness leads to failure because it guides you away from thoughts that would generate new possibilities.
New possibilities are all around you, but hopelessness acts like a blinder on a horse. You can’t see what is right next to you.
Helplessness leads to failure because it denies you access to your own power.
You do have the ability to shift your perspective. Doing that will cause the entire situation to show up differently. But that will never happen while you are focused on how helpless you feel.
Defeat leads to failure because accepting defeat leads to quitting.
Quitting without accomplishing what you set out to accomplish is the definition of failure. Quitting is so easy compared to digging in, learning something new, and going for it again. Risking loss and defeat again.
Are you willing to accept those consequences?
Are you willing to define yourself as a victim?
You can do this.
Many, many people do react this way to misfortune.
You don’t need a crystal ball to see where that path leads.
Living life as a victim leads to addictive choices.
The pain of feeling victimized is so uncomfortable that the choice to allow it into your system almost guarantees that you will choose some habitual means of dulling that pain.
Clearly you have all these options, and many more.
Each in their own way affects the release of dopamine in your brain.
Dopamine usually feels good.
And once you start down that road, your brain will whisper,
“More. Give me more. That’s not enough. I want more.”
That whisper, that voice, will lead you down a self-destructive path. There is no more that is ever enough. The best of these distractions lead to sleep sooner rather than later. Sleep can serve as a reset button. When you wake up you have a chance to center yourself and begin again.
The most destructive of these patterns
allow you to move deeper and deeper
into this “give me more” loop
that demands more and more of your resources:
the precious minutes of your life,
the influence that you bring to the situation,
and your money.
These destructive patterns will take it all: everything you have.
You find yourself nowhere with nothing.
You then truly are a victim,
but a victim of your own destructive choices.
But there is another choice.
Instead of allowing yourself to define yourself as a victim
of these unwanted circumstances
you can choose to take responsibility for them.
“What?” you might say.
“This is not my fault. I’m not to blame here.”
And I would agree with you.
But taking responsibility is in no way the same as assigning fault or blame to yourself.
Taking responsibility for each and every circumstance in your life is the path to power.
True, circumstances are what they are.
I’m not saying that you necessarily have the power to change the circumstances.
Often, we can’t control the circumstances themselves.
But you can choose what you think about these circumstances.
You can choose what meaning you make of these circumstances.
Your thoughts will determine whether you create empowerment for yourself,
or whether you sink into a powerless state of mind
that leads nowhere you want to be.
So how can you take responsibility for a circumstance that may be out of your control?
You can choose to make empowered meaning in the face of those circumstances.
Start by asking yourself, “How do I want to feel in the situation?”
Once you know how you want to feel, then ask yourself, “What thought can I think about these circumstances that will lead me to that feeling?”
Can you see that this path is now all about you?
All your power, and all your control, are now firmly planted where they can make a difference: in your own experience.
Other people can be and do whatever they want.
You are focused on choosing the thoughts and feelings you want to have.
This is powerful stuff.
Choosing empowered thoughts and empowered feelings leads to inspired and effective action.
Effective action leads either to success, or to learning something useful.
Either way you are moving forward, focused on what you want.
Owning your power to co-create with life.
How cool is that?
By the way, if you choose your thoughts and feelings consistently, you will find yourself becoming unstoppable.
Circumstances no longer control you. You control you. This is an awesome way to live.
Take responsibility. Do not sit back and think that you cannot do things. You can do them. If you don’t have what you want, then change your thoughts. This is how you start on your journey of success.
At times everyone experiences motivation slumps where the feeling of not wanting to do anything appears.
Despite the fact that you may have goals, schedules, and plans set in place, sometimes there is simply no drive to carry on.
It is difficult, if not impossible, to do inspired work when this occurs. Without inspiration the work is likely to be much less productive and effective. Your work needs to have a that spark of inspiration to be at its most powerful.
There is good news though. Even when there is no motivation there is hope. Not hope as in “maybe I can do this anyway” but hope as in “the power of unconditional LOVE never wanes, and it is flowing through me right now, even though I am not in touch with it at this moment.”
Reminding yourself of that eternal truth may be the boost you need all by itself. If not, there are five mindset strategies that may help you to shift into a motivated minset.
The first strategy has to deal with tuning in to the present moment.
This is easily accomplished by connecting to your breath. Feel your chest rising and falling. Expand the breath to reach deeper into the belly. Relax and open to the empowerment of your breath.
Then connect to your heart beat. Experience the deep appreciation for the unconditional LOVE that provides your breath and your heart beat without adding to your “to do” list.
From there, the second mindset shift is to turn your focus toward gratitude.
What are you blessed by in this moment?
What can you appreciate in your surroundings?
What are the ways that unconditional LOVE is flowing into your life today?
The third strategy is to bring to mind people that you know or have heard of that are being challenged and/or particular situations that you want to support.
What can you do to offer assistance?
Would a call to a friend uplift them?
Would a prayer for a certain situation add your positive energy toward a resolution?
What can you give in this moment?
A fourth opportunity to shift your mindset involves reconnecting to your vision, to your BIG WHY.
Why are you doing what you are doing?
How are you meant to serve life?
Why is it important that you persevere?
Who would be let down or disappointed if you gave up?
Reconnect with your WHY.
Imagine the achievement of your vision.
Make the colors bright, and bring the image of success up close, make it bright and light-filled.
Smell the scent of success.
Hear the sounds of celebration and rejoicing!
Feel it! Be there right now! Know it is happening.
Know that the actions you take today matter!
Fifth, how can you connect with others that share your vision?
Do you have a team? Call a short team meeting and ask each person to share three things they have accomplished recently that have brought you closer to your shared vision.
If you have no team, who in your field inspires you? Can you watch a YouTube video of them speaking the vision or celebrating accomplishments?
Finally, if you are still feeling unmotivated, maybe you need a little break.
Put down what you are doing and get outside.
Go for a nature walk in the most beautiful place you can easily access. Take deep breaths and get your heart rate up a little bit by power walking.
Repeat to yourself, “I’m open to receiving the support I need to keep moving forward.”
Or some similar phrase that sets your sights on accomplishing today’s tasks.
Maybe, “I can do this. I want to do this. I’m able to do this.”
Then, when you return to your place of work refreshed, notice that with this mindset shift you are ready to take up your work with new energy.
Notice that it is always the mindset shift that sparks inspiration and new choices.
This is why mindset work is so critical to activating your full potential, and creating a successful business.
Is your business earning according to its full potential?
It’s sometimes difficult to work on your self-esteem and empower yourself to be successful. Television commercials and other areas of feedback such as Facebook, Twitter and Instagram aren’t always encouraging or positive and can be downright discouraging about who you are and what you want to do with your life.
You need to gain power over the negatives in your life by motivating yourself in several ways, including getting off the couch to become healthy and fit and make the most of your ambitions.
You also want to discover how to develop relationships that help rather than sabotage your life, get the education you need to boost your self-esteem and put boundaries in place for those who zap your strength and damage your self-confidence.
Life-empowering activities are good for any age group. They can bring fun and learning into an otherwise boring and staid existence and even add years to your life. When you train your mind to think with self-esteem building thoughts, you’ll also be learning new skills for building relationships, business success and personal success.
1. Getting Healthy and Fit
You don’t have to be a rocket scientist to know that if you’re sitting in front of a computer screen during the day and on the couch at night, you’re not doing much to boost your health and fitness quotient.
Self-confidence and health are sure to wane when you live a sedentary lifestyle because those endorphins – so important to your mind – aren’t being produced. Feeling strong and enjoying a high energy level are imperative to your attitude, outlook on life and the self-esteem you carry with you every day.
Get into a routine of exercise you enjoy – one that gives you a good combination of cardio and strength building. Your heart, bones and mind will benefit and you’ll lower your risk of high blood pressure, weight gain and chances of anxiety and depression.
Simply planning a good exercise program that fits your needs, wants and likes can be an incredible boost to your self-esteem. But it will only work if you stick to it, so mix it up to keep it fun and enjoyable.
That may mean joining a class or enlisting a friend to exercise with you. Do what you must to set up the workout times as moments you look forward to rather than dread because of boredom or lack of interest and self-motivation.
You’ll also want to set a time for exercise that will fit into your schedule. If you have to get up 30 minutes to an hour earlier to fit in your workout – do it. Eventually, your body and mind will adjust to the new routine and you’ll even look forward to it.
The boost of self-regard that you’ll realize with regular exercise might astound you. The positive way your body and mind react to a good exercise program can only increase your self-confidence and the level of health and fitness you’ll enjoy.
Exercise also greatly affects your hormonal levels. Cortisol damages the body if it’s constantly flooding it – and it’s released when you experience stress and anxiety, so it can affect your moods and sense of well-being.
Beta-endorphins are the enemies of the cortisol hormone. You don’t have to experience high intensity aerobic exercise to enjoy the benefits that come with releasing beta-endorphins into your system.
A few minutes of moderate aerobic exercise will do the job nicely. Don’t forget meditation in your daily exercise routine. Deep breaths and stretches can help lessen tension levels and reduce anger and depression. You’ll also enjoy elevated mental acuity and help stave off weight gain when you practice yoga or other meditation exercises.
Your diet plan is also important in your quest to become healthy. It’s important to pay attention to your cravings and to plan a diet around healthy foods that combat weight gain and health risks such as heart disease, high blood pressure and diabetes.
Setting health and fitness goals and reaching them, step-by-step, will provide the inner strength you’ll need to reach other goals in your life. Your self-confidence will soar when you cultivate a health mindset.
2. Giving Yourself a Success Makeover
You’ve heard of and likely experienced a makeover in terms of hair and clothes. It’s great to treat yourself once in a while because it helps your self-confidence. But you can also give yourself a success makeover to boost your self-esteem and make you ready for whatever life throws at you. With a little planning and thought, you can create a plan to makeover whatever is holding you back and zapping your self-esteem in any area of your choosing.
Want to make more money, improve your health, get rid of your fears or find your true calling? It’s all possible with a success makeover. As humans, we’re born motivated to succeed.
We’re motivated to eat, crawl, walk, learn lessons in school and take the actions needed to enjoy the fruits of our labor. But sometimes something happens along the way to discourage us and make us quit trying.
Excuses and blaming others for our failures reflect a victim mindset and promote pessimism and low self-esteem. We sometimes see ourselves as a victim and quit trying or delay our success because of pre-conceived notions that we’re just not good enough.
The vision dies and we’re left with a life not lived to the fullest. Giving yourself a success makeover can lift you out of the ashes of the failed past attempts and breathe new life into your goals and dreams.
It all begins when you start to energize your life by revamping your vision of the future and being a little tougher on yourself. You likely have some goals you want to ultimately reach, but you may have become lost or distracted along the way.
It’s easy to get off track because of all the stresses of the world, and to get it back, you have to work just as hard as you did in the beginning. You may need to upgrade to a new set of rules based on your passions and interests of today rather than yesterday.
First, ask yourself if the path you’re on right now will lead you to your ultimate life goals. If your wish and plan is to be fit and healthy and you never exercise and give in to your sugar and carb cravings, you’re not likely to ever reach that goal.
It’s the same with business or personal successes. Are you doing what you need to do to reach goals you’ve set for yourself? Or, do you daydream about future success or simply count the hours and minutes until the end of the day?
If you answered yes, you may be disconnected from your job or whatever it is you’re working on. Rethink your career or commitments and don’t be afraid to change in mid-stream. If you’re going to be bored or unchallenged, it’s not worth another minute of your cherished time. But when you do make a firm commitment, stick with it and see it to the end.
Another way to achieve a success makeover is to educate yourself. Only then will you gain the knowledge, develop the skills and promote credibility enough to achieve ultimate success in the field you’ve chosen.
Cherish your time and don’t put off things until the last minute. That will only cause stress and increase the chance that you won’t complete the tasks at hand. Day planners, reminders on your phone and checking off tasks on a list are all good ways to be organized and to motivate you on to the next set of tasks.
Pay attention to your finances. Understanding your expenses and learning how to manage your money properly will prevent finding yourself in a quagmire of bills and an overspending cycle that’s difficult to get out of.
Take time to enjoy the moment. Don’t dwell on your past failures, but use them as a stepping stone to future successes. Live life in the here and now rather than the past or wasting time on daydreams for the future.
A success makeover should include some life-empowering activities that will strengthen your self-esteem and make it possible to achieve all your goals and dreams. Inactivity will ensure you never reach them.
3. Developing Relationships
Develop relationships that encourage, rather than discourage you – and make sure they help you continue on the path you’ve chosen as smoothly as possible. Whether the relationship you’re developing is business oriented or personal, your self-esteem and ability to achieve your goals and dreams can be affected.
Relationships take work, and you can develop more positive relationships in your life by following a few simple rules of engagement. Listen effectively. Make eye contact and strive to listen carefully to those you’re interacting with.
Empathize with people. You may not have walked in their shoes, but you can empathize with what they’re going through by developing an understanding through asking questions. Learn and develop communication skills that will help you better understand and draw out the best in others.
We’re all so different in so many ways. Learn to celebrate those differences rather than constantly striving to get others to come around to your way of thinking and doing things.
Your time is valuable. Giving it to another person is an incredible gift and should be given wisely, but fully. When you choose to be with another person, give him or her your devotion of energy and communication that will serve to build rather than erode that relationship.
A new caveat on the relationship scene is how you manage your mobile devices. Almost everyone has a cell phone – they’re a wonderful tool for communication and especially emergency situations.
But these devices can also distract you from completely listening to the person you’re with and keep you from being completely present in the moment. Learn how to manage them by turning them off or using the settings feature to only accept calls from people you need to monitor – such as children.
Trust is a huge part of any relationship – as is respect. It takes a lot of self-confidence to trust another person, but it’s imperative if you want to support and become part of another person’s life.
Opening your heart and mind to another person is an act of trust that can boost your self-esteem and strengthen ties in a relationship. Make sure that the relationship you want to pursue is positive. Don’t engage in a relationship where you feel inferior or one that’s otherwise damaging to your self-confidence.
4. Educating Yourself
Nothing is a better self-confidence booster than education. Education arms you with facts and know-how to act on your goals and accomplish what you want to do in life. And it’s the best type of investment you can make to your future success.
That doesn’t necessarily mean you have to get a bachelor’s, master’s or doctorate degree, but other types of education such as books, online studies, a mentor in your chosen profession, conferences and seminars are all types of education which can further your chosen life goals.
Your brain is a muscle – and like the muscles in your arms and legs, it needs stimulation, too. If you don’t use your brain, it will deteriorate just as your other muscles do when we don’t use them enough.
In our world today, information changes so rapidly that it’s tough to keep up with it – especially in technology and the sciences. Continuing education is imperative if you want to rise in your career or your knowledge will become completely obsolete in a couple of years.
Self-esteem is also learned. The empowering activities you’re learning now will help you master any challenge that comes your way. Each activity requires practice – the only way to reach the end result of high self-esteem.
5. Putting Boundaries in Place
Setting boundaries within your personal and business areas to boost your self-esteem is necessary to keep your goals and dreams in the forefront of your mind. Boundaries are an essential part of building healthy relationships that lead to a healthy and happy life.
When you understand your limits and the triggers and actions that breach those boundaries, you’ll begin to understand just what makes you tick. First, you have to identify your emotional, mental, spiritual and physical limits.
Know what makes you uncomfortable or stresses you out. When you have that straight in your mind, you’ll be better able to recognize the breaches and put boundaries in place that get rid of that discomfort and lowers the stress factor.
Guilt and resentment start to creep into your psyche when your boundaries are crossed. Those are good feelings to recognize to help you realize when someone has overstepped those boundaries.
You may need to have a conversation with someone who constantly oversteps his boundaries and makes you uncomfortable. A good conversation can become an empowering activity that ensures you’ll strengthen your self-esteem by making others aware of who you really are and what you believe.
Awkwardness may occur if you’re new to setting boundaries – but eventually, you’ll get the hang of it and feel good about maintaining your sense of self. Much of how you react to those who overstep the boundaries you set has to do with how you were raised.
For example, if you were a family member’s caregiver, you focused much of your attention on someone else. You may still be focusing on others too much and ignoring your own physical and emotional needs.
Self-awareness is a mental activity you can practice to become acutely aware of your feelings and then figure out how you’re going to deal with broken boundaries. Taking control of a situation that makes you uncomfortable can boost your self-esteem and make you more confident about the boundaries you’re setting.
Never let fear or guilt cloud your boundaries. You don’t have to simply cope with a situation that makes you feel uncomfortable or as if you’re being taken advantage of. Speak up for yourself and let others know you’ve set certain boundaries and they have to honor them for you if they want to be a part of your life.
Healthy relationships are built on boundaries and self-respect. Give yourself permission to set boundaries and do the tasks necessary to make your world all that you need and want it to be.
Life-empowering activities are vitally important to your sense of confidence and to your future success. They can provide you with the success mindset you need to accomplish everything you want and to stay focused on what truly matters.
Your success mindset isn’t something that will just materialize when you focus on these steps one time. A success mindset must be cultivated daily by taking effective action, and then using the results, whether they fail or succeed, to refine your actions and zero in on your vision.
By the way, one of the strongest indicators of a Success Mindset is a mindset free of money blocks. Is your business earning according to its full potential? If not, no matter what the circumstances, there is always a money block that needs your attention. Click here to diagnose the money blocks that are limiting your income with Kristin’s free 5 Day email workshop. Kristin van Tilburg is a master Mindset Strategist who helps business people re-program their mindset to activate their full potential.
Comparing yourself to other marketers can only be detrimental to your present and future successes. You may not be at the same experience level of those you’re comparing yourself to and another person’s success may not be the magical transformation you perceive it to be.
Self-doubt can arise from the comparisons you make between you and fellow professionals. Some may seem to have the Midas touch for whatever project they choose to pursue – but you aren’t privy to what goes on before the huge successes.
Those entrepreneurs who are successful have likely spent an enormous amount of time, money and effort on their ventures. It may look easy, but chances are they had many self-doubts about their own potential for success before it happened.
Comparison to others and the self-doubt that follows goes on in every business – but it’s more prevalent in professions where you’re always putting yourself out there, presenting yourself and your ideas to others.
If the many failures that are sure to happen were figured into the mix, another person’s success may look entirely different to you. Huge and consistent successes of others can make you feel like a loser – because someone is always making more money than you or seems to be successful.
Comparisons like that are dangerous to your own self-confidence and can defeat what you’re trying to accomplish. You have no way to be aware of their many failures in the past or of how many hours and dollars they’ve spent getting to this point.
One way to look at comparisons differently is to view them as challenges. “If she can do it, I know I can!” may be exactly the boost of adrenaline you need to take action and make your own success come true.
Many people who have reached a certain level of success use comparisons with others as a tool to strategize their future business moves. It provides quick insight into trends and what’s working for others so you can incorporate many of the same ideas for yourself.
Competition is fierce among many types of businesses – especially Internet marketing. Considering strategies of other professionals in your field can be a good thing if you use them as models rather than comparing yourself to them in a negative way.
Self-doubt can become the nemesis of your future. Guard against comparing yourself to others in a negative light and focus on your present and future goals to lead you to the success you desire.
Self-doubt can creep into your psyche without you even suspecting it’s there until the first niggling thought makes itself clear. You have to be aware of your thoughts and how you’re reacting at all times. Weed them out before they grow, take over your creativity and destroy your goals.
Doubts can run wild in your mind, making you question your abilities about anything new or different. If you’re prepared, you can recognize the doubts for the lies they are. Then you can let your knowledge and common sense get you through.
When you check in with what is real you’ll realize that the negative thoughts are occurring for various reasons. For example, you could be lost in comparing yourself with others in marketing your business.
Comparing may make you feel inadequate and cause you to doubt your ability to succeed. Often this leads to paralysis. Make a firm decision and stick to it. Refuse to entertain doubt thoughts. When self-doubt about what you’re trying to accomplish creeps into your thoughts, carry through with your goal or trash it and go on with something you’re more certain of. Refuse to allow doubt to paralyze you.
If you do decide to go on to something else, don’t allow yourself to categorize this as a failure. It was a learning experience that taught you a lesson and you aren’t wasting any more time on it. If you decide to go through with the plan, take action immediately.
Making a fast decision may seem impulsive, but most likely the decision is based on intuition and the knowledge that you’ve prepared enough for the journey ahead. You can always fine tune your plan as you progress.
At least you’re taking action toward your goals. Replace self-doubt with positive thoughts. Choose any method that works for you. Meditation, journaling, affirmations, listening to music or reading a good book or simply chatting with positive-minded friends may give you the boost you need to move on.
All of us find ourselves dealing with self-doubt at various points in our lives. If you let it get the best of you by feeding it with your attention and actually believing the lies you’re telling yourself, it can destroy even the best intentions for success.
Learn to recognize and weed out the crippling, negative thoughts and get on with achieving the goals you’ve set for yourself. Begin the learning process by becoming aware of your thoughts – check in with them a few times a day. You’ll soon be able to discern the “keeper” thoughts from the “discard” pile.
Two in particular to watch out for are “I’m not good enough” and “I don’t know.” Successful people do not worry about being good enough. They trust themselves, their gifts and talents, and they know that they can learn anything they need to know along the way.
Finding the key to self-motivation is finding the key to success and happiness. When the desire to create and contribute is the wind beneath your wings you work life will soar. But it can be an elusive key, as self-motivation is a difficult concept to understand and implement.Self-motivation can be defined as the ability to achieve a goal or a desire without being helped or influenced by someone else.In other words, you inspire yourself! But where does inspiration come from?
There are many motivation courses one can take to achieve and maintain the level of enthusiasm needed to move forward.It’s generally agreed that these courses are good, but results can most of the time be only temporary.Motivation is like a bath.We need it every day.
With a constant daily dose of motivation you can be inspired to continue your projects and maintain forward momentum until the desired goal is reached.Motivation allows us to maintain focus on the task at hand.If we’re not focused then we find ourselves floundering and distracted.Self-motivation is finding a way to concentrate your energy in the proper direction.
Find the method of self-motivation that works for you.Some gain motivation through their faith.They believe if they turn their needs and desires over to God or a higher power, that this never-ending source of creativity will accomplish all things and grant all things as they’re needed in life.
This is achieved through prayer, meditation and focus.Faith can be a powerful motivator but even the faithful believe that faith without works is futile.Faith combined with work can achieve wonders.
Many people are inspired by self-motivation, but lack the skill to implement it.You first must harness your emotions and you can do this by understanding them.Realize that there will be highs and lows in your life.
Some days you’ll have to be peeled from the ceiling and other days someone will have to scrape you from the floor.Self motivators can deal with this wide range of emotions by knowing that beyond every valley, there is a peak.
A surge of energy usually comes with the beginning of a project or idea and self-motivation comes easily.But, after the new wears off and you encounter a few setbacks you begin to doubt yourself and your energy level drops as well as your motivation.Now, you’re faced with the possibility of failure and it’s difficult to continue.
The path to success is never straight up the mountain.Know that you’ll meet many obstacles along the way.With self-motivation, you will find a way to go up, over, around or under anything that stands in your way.
Be prepared for the lows and anticipate the highs.You must resist negativity and search for the path back to positive thinking.With proper direction, creative thinking and reflection you can once again ride the road to success. Be inspired by self motivation and self motivation will inspire you.Each feeds on the other as you climb toward success.